One Christmas Eve
by Edward's Eternal
Summary: When her world collapses, Bella does her best to find the light. Will one Christmas Eve be the miracle her broken heart needs to heal?
1. Chapter 1

**Please read before you start. Christmas story - will post daily for 10 days. Some chapters short, some long. Sad, angsty. Contains triggers, and subject matter some may find upsetting. Nothing graphic, but still sad. Consider yourself warned. HEA will happen, though.**

 **I own nothing - it all belongs to SM. Thanks to Midnight Cougar for her work on this.**

 **Now if you are still with me, let us begin.**

* * *

My headlights cut a swath of light across the front of my house. I pulled into the driveway, noticing that, once again, the snow had been cleared from the drive and walkway. It happened every time it snowed. I had no idea who was doing it. I didn't know my neighbors at all, but I assumed one of them was the Good Samaritan. I would have to find out whom it was and make sure I thanked them with some wine and a gift certificate for Christmas.

I shut off the engine and sat in the cooling car, trying to find the energy to climb out and walk into the empty house.

I still hated that moment of walking in the door of my small rented house, knowing only silence and darkness would greet me. Before, _he_ would often still be at work, when I walked into _our_ home, but I knew he would be there soon. If he got home before I did, there were always warm hugs, passionate kisses, and a glass of wine waiting for me.

Not anymore.

I especially hated it now—at this time of year—so last night, I stopped at the corner lot and brought home a Christmas tree. It was small, barely three feet high, and sat in a little bucket of sand. I had no idea how to put a big tree in a stand. That had always been _his_ job.

From behind the blind, I could see the dim glow of the lights I had strung on the branches. I didn't add any decorations, not having the need or want for them. I only wanted the light. I had plugged them into a timer, so when I walked in, there was a small beacon of warmth to greet me in the darkness—at least for the next few weeks.

We both loved Christmas. It was _our_ time. We decorated the entire house and listened to carols. I baked endless trays of cookies, slapping his long fingers as he stole one to taste for "quality control purposes." We would drop them at the homes of friends, family, and those we knew had no one. Christmas dinner was always at our house, and we never knew how many there would be. It didn't matter. The scents of pine and cinnamon hung in the air, making it festive. The house was filled with people, and the sounds of laughter. The aroma of the turkey cooking made everyone ravenous.

I pushed open the car door, my keys in hand. None of that would be happening this year. My steps felt heavy as I walked to the front door and turned the key. There was a tiny modicum of relief at the glow of dim holiday light coming from the living room. I inhaled the scent of the tree that hung in the air, trying to push down the sadness that swamped me.

I hung my coat up and approached the tree. It looked pretty in the corner. I didn't have a tree skirt, but I tucked a white towel around the bucket, making it look as if it was in the snow.

Under the tree was a small box, wrapped in simple red paper. There was no bow or card. I had bought it months ago. Back when life was good, and I remembered how to smile. I saw it on an auction site, and I knew I had to have it for him. I had even wrapped it, then stashed it away so he wouldn't find it. He was impossible, like a sneaky child, when it came to gifts. If he found something I'd hidden—and he always seemed to find it—and it wasn't wrapped, he would flee with it. But if it was wrapped, he left it alone with a defeated sigh. After shaking, smelling and investigating, then shouting out guesses until I took it away.

I discovered the small package a couple weeks ago when I unpacked some boxes, looking for a warm sweater. It seemed right to put it under the tree, even if it would never be unwrapped.

It was an autographed baseball from the World Series, when his favorite team had won the final game. He had been there, his voice rough and hoarse days later from cheering.

He loved baseball. Almost, he used to tease, as much as he loved me.

My finger drifted over the red paper. I supposed there was no competition any longer.

I didn't have his love.

Edward had left me.

And I was alone.

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 **Thank you for reading. Updates tomorrow.**


	2. Chapter 2

_We met in late spring of 2013. My friend Alice was hosting a barbeque, and she insisted I join them. Being new to town, I was happy to have somewhere to go on the weekend. I baked two huge pies to take with me._

 _Everyone loved pie, right?_

 _It turned out, her husband's brother, Edward, certainly did. He loved pie so much, that I caught him in the kitchen, eating a slice before dinner was even ready._

 _Alice sent me inside to grab something, and I found him alone, eating a piece of pie. A stranger I had never met, eating my pie. I was incensed, and I scolded him thoroughly._

 _He had the grace to look ashamed as I lectured him about good manners and admonished him about stealing the piece. He listened to me seriously, but still continued to eat the entire time._

 _I tried not to notice his remarkable green eyes, or the dimple that popped in his chin as he chewed. I fought the urge to smile at the way his tongue swept out, dragging tiny flakes of pasty into his mouth, making him groan with pleasure._

 _"Did you make the pie?"_

 _"Yes!"_

 _"You must be Bella. I'm Edward."_

 _Edward—the brother-in-law Alice adored. I wondered if she knew about his pie stealing antics._

 _"Nice to meet you, Edward, but have you ever heard of asking?"_

 _"I couldn't help it. It was too tempting. And I was starving."_

 _"I'm sure you could have controlled yourself."_

 _"But it's the best pie I ever tasted," he protested._

 _"How will it look on the table with one piece gone?" I asked exasperated, ignoring his sincere compliment._

 _He held out his plate. "Could we make it two pieces?"_

 _"No! That would look even worse!"_

 _He paused, then his face broke into a wide, mischievous grin. "Don't put it on the table!"_

 _"What?"_

 _"I'll take it home and eat it, and then no one will be the wiser!"_

 _"Only put out one pie?"_

 _He shrugged. "There are other desserts. I guarantee you this pie will be well loved by me."_

 _The way he said those words and his deep tone made me blush a little._

 _I crossed my arms. "Is that supposed to be an apology?"_

 _He set down the plate, sidled up to me, and dropped his voice. "No, that was supposed to make you smile. You have a beautiful smile, Bella."_

 _"Oh," I breathed out._

 _"My apology will come after dinner."_

 _"Dinner?"_

 _He nodded, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "The dinner I'll take you to on our first date."_

 _"Wait, you're asking me out?"_

 _"Yes. You said I needed to learn how to ask for things I want." His tone turned playful. "Consider it a pie-stealing-apology dinner. I promise to make it up to you."_

 _Something about his voice made me shiver. "I see."_

 _He leaned closer. "Please, Bella."_

 _"Okay."_

 _By July, we were living together, and by Christmas we were married. My quiet, lonely world exploded. I became part of Edward's circle, which included many friends, and the Cullen family. Edward became my world, and I was his._

 _I didn't know how good life could be._

 _I had never had much of a family. My parents had split up when I was young, and they pushed and pulled me between them like a ping-pong ball; often I was used as bait instead of truly being wanted. It was difficult to make friends, since I never knew how and when my life would change._

 _With Edward's family, I was wanted, loved. Carlisle and Esme treated me like another daughter. I got along well with Edward's sister, Rose, and her husband, Emmett. I adored Edward's brother, Jasper, and Alice was my best friend. I was happy, content, and for the first time in my life, I felt safe._

 _Edward always made me feel safe._

 _On our first date, he brought flowers, opened the car door for me, pulled out my chair—all small acts of respect he told me his parents instilled in him._

 _I was shocked to discover, despite being surrounded by people, Edward felt lonely most of the time. Left out—since he was the only single person in his family, and his circle of friends._

 _"It's not easy being the fifth wheel all the time."_

 _"I understand," I assured him._

 _He eyed me thoughtfully. "Maybe that is gonna change."_

 _When he walked me to my door that night, I was a bundle of nerves. Never had I wanted to kiss someone the way I wanted to kiss Edward. At dinner, I caught him staring at my mouth more than once, and I prayed he felt the same draw I did. Disappointment didn't cover it when he simply pressed a kiss to my forehead and wished me a good evening. I watched him walk away, my heart plummeting._

 _I had misread the signals._

 _He didn't find me attractive. He didn't feel that same pull. What he said at dinner was simply conversation, not a statement of how he felt about being with me._

 _I went inside, sat on the steps in the dark, and held my head in my hand. My phone rang, and I answered listlessly._

 _"Hello."_

 _His voice was a low murmur in my ear. "I wanted to kiss you so badly."_

 _My breath caught in my throat. I had to swallow before I could speak. "Why didn't you?"_

 _"Because I was afraid if I kissed you, I couldn't let go."_

 _"Maybe I didn't want you to."_

 _His intake of air was fast. "Open your door, Bella."_

 _Seconds later, I was in his arms, his mouth hard on mine. Our lips moved together in perfect harmony. His tongue snaked in, twisting with mine, sending shivers down my spine. His hands held me close, his fingers pressing and caressing the curve of my back. I clung to his shoulders, a quivering mass of need. He moved his hand to my hip, yanking me tight to him, letting me feel how much he wanted me, too. I clutched at the back of his neck, and he grunted in approval. He kicked his foot out behind him; the echo of the door slamming was loud in the room._

 _I pulled back, panting. Our gazes met and held._

 _"Tell me to go."_

 _"No."_

 _"I meant what I said."_

 _"So did I."_

 _He swung me up in his arms and carried me to my room._

~o0o~

We were rarely apart after that.

Until, the day we broke.

* * *

 **Tomorrow.**


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter contains triggers. Please be advised.**

* * *

Alice smiled tentatively at me over the rim of her mug. "How are you, Bella?" Before I could answer, she leaned forward, covering my hand with hers. "Really."

I pulled back my hand gently, picking up my own mug. "I'm fine. Really I am."

"You're too thin."

I resisted telling her it was difficult to keep down food. "I'm on a diet."

"Bella." She sighed.

I shook my head. "You agreed not to do this, Alice. It's only us. Me and my friend. Not my ex-sister-in-law."

"You _aren't_ divorced."

"Yet," I replied. I was surprised I hadn't received divorce papers yet; I knew it was only a matter of time.

She let that remark pass. "I miss you."

I studied her as I sipped my coffee. I missed her. Jasper. Carlisle and Esme—all of them—so much. But I couldn't tell her that. That part of my life was over. It was gone the instant Edward walked out the door.

They all tried, but I knew how hard it was on everyone. The air was awkward with unspoken questions, their smiles forced, and their hugs tense. Their loyalty was to Edward, as it should be. He was their son, brother, and friend. I was the one to back away. I moved into a small neighborhood on the other end of town, and I withdrew from their lives. I saw Alice, on occasion, and always returned Esme's calls, but I rarely saw her. The pain was too much to handle.

"I miss you, too," I answered honestly. "Maybe we should do a girls' weekend, after, ah, the holidays."

"I'd like that." She set down her mug. "Do you have plans?"

"Dinner with friends."

"Do I know them?"

I shook my head and replied softly. "No, Alice. You don't."

Neither did I. I planned to help serve dinner at the local soup kitchen.

"Have you found a house?"

"I'm living in a house."

"You're renting."

I shrugged. "It's fine. I don't need to rush into buying something."

Her lips thinned. She looked away, her voice quiet when she finally spoke. "We _all_ miss you."

"I'm sorry."

"We're worried." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "About both of you. We hardly ever see him anymore. When we do, he is like a stranger."

I closed my eyes to fight the welling tears. We had agreed. Edward was not to be mentioned or discussed.

"He isn't doing well, either. _He_ misses you."

I ignored the fact it hurt to hear he was suffering. I shouldn't care. "That was his decision."

"Made for the wrong reasons."

"What are you talking about? It was simple. He couldn't forgive me. He left. We couldn't move forward."

"Have you?"

"Have I what?"

"Moved forward? Are you living, Bella? Really living?"

I tossed my head, anger building, throughout my whole body. "I'm doing the best I can, Alice."

"Do you hate him?"

Those words shook me. "No. I could never hate him. It's the other way around. He couldn't get past everything that happened. He couldn't forgive _me._ "

She shook her head, her eyes filled with pain. "You're wrong about that, Bella. The forgiveness lies within _you_."

I gaped at her. "There was nothing to forgive him for."

"He's tormenting himself."

I had heard enough. I pushed back the plate containing a slice of cake I had ordered. I hadn't wanted it then, and I certainly didn't want it now.

"If Edward is tormenting himself, it has nothing to do with me."

"You're so wrong."

I spoke through gritted teeth, now furious. "Listen, Alice. Edward walked out on me. He ended us."

Her eyes filled with tears. "He was grieving. You're not the only one who lost a child, you know."

I reared back as if she had slapped me. I picked up my purse, my hands shaking so hard I almost dropped it.

"No, I'm not. We _both_ lost our son. But I'm the only one who was left alone to deal with it. Abandoned by the one person I should have been able to share my grief with."

She started to talk, but I held up my hand. "Take care of yourself, Alice."

I turned and walked away.

* * *

 **Tomorrow.**


	4. Chapter 4

I didn't sleep all night. Alice's words bounced around my head, endlessly echoing. Edward's face kept appearing every time I closed my eyes. But not the face of the man I loved—the man so desperately in love with me he couldn't bear to be without me. Wherever I was, he was there.

Close. Touching. Caressing, Kissing. Fucking. Passionate.

 _Alive._

Not the man whose face was one of total joy when I told him I was pregnant.

I had surprised him last Christmas with a pair of tiny socks. He had wept with happiness. Then he spent the next few months living up to his promise of taking care of me. Of us. Every day his face reflected his excitement and love when he kissed me, his hand resting on my ever-expanding bump. He had been ecstatic when we found out it was a boy, and we had chosen a name, once again in perfect agreement with each other.

We should have been celebrating our child's first Christmas together this year. Not alone and grieving.

No, the face I continued to see, was of the Edward I woke up to in the hospital. The man who bent close to tell me our son had died. The emotionless person who simply watched me as I screamed, "No!" and told me how he held our son's lifeless body and kissed him goodbye before they took him away. His impassive face, and dead eyes that stared through me, day after day, once I was home. He hired a caregiver to help me while I healed from my injuries, and he left me alone in our room, while he slept in the guest room.

The silence stretched out between us until it became a living, breathing entity, which pushed us further and further apart. We became two strangers living under the same roof. Strangers to each other, and ourselves.

 _I was at the kitchen table when he came home. He sat down across from me._

 _"I can't do this anymore."_

 _I nodded, somehow not surprised by his words. Neither of us had any fight left in our heart._

 _"You can have the house."_

 _I shook my head. There were too many memories there, and it had belonged to him first. "I don't want it. Sell it."_

 _"What do you want, Bella?"_

 _I studied him, noting he'd lost weight. I knew he wasn't sleeping. Neither of us were. We both barely existed. It was as if the death of our son had also been the death of who we were._

 _"I want my child."_

 _He stood. "I can't give you that. Nothing I can do will make up for what you lost."_

 _"_ What we lost _."_

 _He tilted his head. "What we lost."_

 _I drew in a shuddering breath. "Now what?"_

 _"I'm going to my parents. Take your time and find a place." He flicked his hand. "Take whatever you want. I won't fight you on anything."_

 _He stood, laying an envelope on the table. "I spoke with Sam today. Here is a new bank account. Until we decide the next step, I'll put money in there every month for you. If you aren't able to go back to work, you don't have to worry. I'll take care of you financially."_

 _I began to shake my head. His eyes darkened, and for the first time in weeks, I saw an emotion flicker in the green depths._

 _"Don't argue with me, Bella. Take it. The very least I can do is make sure you're taken care of from now on. I did a lousy job of it the past while."_

 _Then he turned and walked away._

 _After packing a few things, he carried his bag to the front entrance, and without a backward glance or another word, he walked out of the door._

* * *

 **Still with me? Hugs...**

 **Tomorrow.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I am giving you a bonus today because of the fact I mixed up my travel dates, and I want this complete before I leave. If you are still with me, thank you for reading.**

* * *

"So what do you think?"

I shook my head, startled. I hadn't paid attention to one word of what Garrett had said to me. Again, I was lost in memories.

"I'm sorry. I drifted."

He grinned, not at all bothered. "I asked if you wanted to go with me."

My brow furrowed. "With you . . . where?"

"To the fundraiser party."

"Oh."

I knew about it, as did everyone who worked here. The architectural company I worked for held one every Christmas. A huge gala and fundraiser that benefitted the local children's hospital. Edward and I attended every year.

Garrett waited patiently. I studied him briefly. He had joined the firm only a few months ago. He had no ties to Edward, or the life I led in the past. He knew I was separated, but that was all he knew of my history. We had lunch together on occasion. He was polite and charming; although, in a different way from Edward.

 _We drove together to a client's one day, and he got out of the car first. I took off my seat belt and leaned down to pick up my purse, surprised to see him walk away from the car. It took me a second to realize how used I was to Edward's old-fashioned ways. He would have waited and opened the door for me, and without thinking I was waiting for that gesture from Garrett. I scrambled from my seat, feeling somewhat silly, yet desperately sad._

"I—"

"It'll be fun."

I was about to say no as politely as I could, when Alice's voice echoed in my head. " _Are you living, Bella?"_

Maybe it was time to start. Make a new memory.

"Sure."

"Great. I'll pick you up at seven."

Fighting my panic, I could only nod.

 **~o0o~**

I studied myself in the mirror, wishing I had never agreed to the evening out. It felt wrong. I didn't want to go. I even tried to cancel, but Garrett pleaded with me to join him, assuring me it would be just as friends. I finally relented.

My dress was blue, and I tried to ignore the fact it was Edward's favorite color. I tugged at the shoulder seam, the lace stiff under my fingers. My eyes drifted shut as I thought about the last time I got ready for a party. I hadn't wanted to go to that one, either.

 _"Please, love. I need you here."_

 _I rubbed my head in frustration. "Edward, it's a staff function. You know everyone."_

 _"But I want you. I want to celebrate this promotion with my wife. We don't have to stay long."_

 _I could never resist him when he asked me for anything. It was so rare he did. He had just been promoted to Vice-President at the company he worked for, Aro Funds, and they were having a party to celebrate. He was one of their top financial planners, and I was so proud of him. I didn't have the heart to tell him I was tired, my feet were swollen, and I felt fat._

 _I made one last effort. "It's starting to rain."_

 _"I see that. Take a cab."_

 _"How will we get home? I can't drive your standard."_

 _"We'll take a cab home. And tomorrow, I'll get someone to drop me off to pick up my car, or grab another cab back." He chuckled. "I can't drive or I'd come pick you up. I've already had a couple shots."_

 _There was a shout behind him._

 _"They're dragging me away. Get here as fast as you can, so I can show you off."_

 _He hung up, and I sat thinking. I had grown up without a lot of money, and I still stayed on a budget and saved every penny I could; even though Edward told me countless times, it wasn't something I had to worry about. We were more than comfortable, between our wages and the trust fund he had from his grandparents. I hated him using any of that money, though. Taking a cab both ways seemed frivolous when my perfectly good car was sitting in the driveway. I could drive, we could stay awhile and we could use my pregnancy exhaustion as the excuse to leave._

 _It was perfect._

Only, I never made it there. I was T-boned going through a green light in the heavy rain. I woke up three weeks later to find out I had lost my child, and had been in a medically induced coma to help bring down the brain swelling. Edward had buried our child alone, unsure if I would ever wake up.

I wasn't certain I ever did.

 **~o0o~**

Garrett and I walked into the large hall, the heat of the room hitting me like a bonfire. People were everywhere. Laughing, drinking, talking loud over the Christmas music playing. Huge auction tables were set up, people grouping around the items up for bids. Garrett took my coat, handing me a claim check that I slid into my purse.

His hand felt odd resting on the small of my back as we made our way to the bar. Edward would have tucked me tight into his side, almost daring anyone to come close. Garrett's gesture was far less personal, yet felt too intimate. I tried to relax, smiling when he handed me a glass of champagne.

"Big crowd." He leaned forward to be heard over the din.

"It always is. They invite all their clients, plus people from the hospital, and their guests."

Just as I spoke, I saw him. I would recognize that brilliant bronzy-colored hair anywhere. He was across the room, his eyes locked on me. Beside him, stood a woman, hanging on his arm, chatting to him. She didn't seem to realize he wasn't paying her any attention. His piercing gaze bounced between Garrett and me, his lips thinned out and his hand flew to his hair. He tugged at it relentlessly, the gesture familiar, making my heart ache. He did that only when extremely angry or upset.

I was shocked to see him. I knew he would be on the invitation list, but I never expected him to show up at the gala. I didn't expect the sudden pull in my chest, either. The burn of intense need.

I turned, breaking Edward's heated gaze. I could feel the panic building in my whole body.

 _Why would he come?_

 _And how could he bring someone with him?_

"Are you okay, Bella? You're really pale."

"It–it's hot in here," I offered lamely. "I think I need some fresh air."

"Shit, Mr. Hannah is coming over. I have to talk to him."

"It's fine. I'll be right back." I was grateful for Mr. Hannah. I slipped away, heading to the back of the room, pulling open the door that led to the deserted patio. It was cold, but at least I was alone. I inhaled long, slow breaths to calm me down, as they had shown me in the hospital.

Tonight had been a colossal mistake; agreeing to come with Garrett. agreeing to go to the event at all. I didn't want to be at the party. I didn't want to see Edward with another woman.

Another wave of panic hit me as I thought about how she clung to his arm.

 _Who was she?_

I drew in a shaky breath, fighting for oxygen. My small purse fell to the deck as I grasped the rail in front of me for support. I was concentrating so hard on my breathing; I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings. I startled when a suit jacket was draped over my shoulders and long fingers gripped my arms.

"Breathe, Bella. I've got you. Breathe, love."

 _Edward._

 **~o0o~**

For one, brief moment, all was right in my world. The constant ache vanished as I leaned back into Edward. His familiar scent surrounded me, as did his warmth. His chest was firm and strong, the grip he had on my arms comforting.

I had missed him so much.

I felt his head press to mine and the drag of his lips on my hair. My anxiety eased fleetingly, and I sighed out a long exhale of air.

His fingers tensed, then eased, bringing me back to reality. I lurched forward, spinning around to stare at him. "What are you doing, Edward?"

He frowned and looked into my eyes. "I saw you come outside without a coat. It's freezing, Bella. What were you thinking? You know how susceptible you are to colds."

I tried to stop the way my heart sped up at his kind and caring words. I shook my head. "You don't have to worry about that anymore."

He stepped forward, his eyes narrowed. "Yes, I most certainly do."

Something about his firm voice and the way he held himself made me shiver. I shook my head to clear it.

"What are you doing here?"

"I got my invitation. I've been coming to this event for years. You know that."

"I never thought . . . I didn't expect . . ."

"Is that why you brought a date?"

"He's a co-worker."

"He looked like more to me."

I stuck out my chin. "He isn't. You're one to talk with the blonde hanging off your arm."

"I didn't bring her. She was standing beside me, talking. I wasn't paying much attention."

"She had her hands on you."

He tilted his head. "She was pulling on my jacket, yes. Annoying." A ghost of a smile appeared on his face. "You always were the jealous sort."

"You're one to talk."

His expression unnerved me. "I know. We were quite the pair."

" _Were_ is the operative word." I shrugged off his jacket, instantly feeling the chill. "Was there something you wanted, Edward?"

With a low growl, he grabbed his jacket, slinging it back over my shoulders. "Yes. I want to talk to you."

"This isn't the place. Not that we have anything left to say."

"I disagree. I think it's time we actually _started_ talking."

"I don't understand. You said you couldn't do this with me anymore. You don't love me anymore. Then you left me."

He sighed, running his hands through his hair. He stood in front of me, his hands clasped behind his head, pain written across his face.

I noticed the new lines around his eyes, and how tired he looked. The way his shoulders drooped. Edward always stood tall and confident. Tonight, he looked . . . beaten.

"I never said I didn't love you."

"But you left me."

"I was drowning, Bella. I couldn't help you, and it was killing me. I didn't know _how_ to help you—how to help myself." He sucked in a long breath. "I made a mistake. The biggest one of my life. I've been paying for it ever since." His eyes glimmered in the muted light. "Because of me, we lost our son. Then I lost you. I can never make up for it. Never atone."

"Wh–what?" I sputtered. "It was my fault. You told me to take a cab. I decided to drive. If I had just done what you said, it wouldn't have happened."

He shook his head. "You didn't cause the accident. I was the one who wanted you at the party. I insisted."

I shook my head, my voice gentle. "You _asked_ , Edward. You didn't force me to come."

Our gazes locked. He inched forward, his hand covering mine. "It wasn't your fault, love."

My eyes flooded with tears. I had needed to hear those words from him for so long.

"It wasn't yours, either."

He nodded. "I know." He tightened his hand. "I've been going to therapy, Bella. Jane has helped me a great deal. She made me see things clearly."

"Alice never said . . ."

He shook his head. "I didn't tell anyone. It was too personal. I haven't seen much of my family lately."

"Why?"

"We lost our child; they lost us. They miss you. They couldn't understand what I had done. Hell, I couldn't understand it. All I knew was our child was gone, you were hurt, I thought it was my fault"—he faltered, then swallowed—"and I thought you blamed me. I couldn't live with the guilt anymore."

"Why did you think that?"

"Bella, what do you remember about the hospital?"

I gripped the edges of his jacket with my fingers, twisting the material. "Everything."

"Tell me."

"It was so surreal. I woke up and you told me we'd lost Jordan, and after that, there was just pain. I knew you were furious with me. You didn't hold me after the first time, and you wouldn't talk to me. I kept asking you questions, and you just sat there, ignoring me. I finally gave up."

He ran his hands up my arms, cradling my face. "Bella, after I told you about Jordan, you didn't speak for two days, except to tell me it was my fault."

* * *

 **Tomorrow.**


	6. Chapter 6

Once again, sleep eluded me. There was no reprieve of blackness and peace.

I sat against the cold metal headboard, drawing my legs up to my chest. I leaned my head against my knees, and tried to remember what happened after I woke in the hospital. Edward's words were on a loop in my head.

His fault . . . I accused him of my accident and Jordan's death being his fault.

Edward's pain was the most prominent memory. The sorrow etched on his face, the prevalent agony on his eyes, and the way his voice broke when he spoke to me. I could remember crying out, and his arms wrapping around me. I had fought against his comfort, not understanding why he was offering it to me. I was horrified to know that because of me, my decision to drive, I had lost our child. If I had only listened to Edward and taken a cab, the accident wouldn't have happened. It had been entirely my fault.

 _Why had I told him it was his fault?_

 _Why couldn't I remember?_

I wiped away the tears that kept falling. They hadn't stopped since the previous night.

 _After Edward told me what I had said to him in the hospital, Garrett stepped out onto the patio, looking for me. His surprise to find me with Edward was evident. However, he remained polite, asking if I wanted to join him inside._

 _I was so tense and confused, I merely mumbled, "I'm fine. Thanks," even though I was far from it._

 _Edward turned back to me. "You're getting cold, Bella. You need to go inside." He slipped his jacket off my shoulders, his smile forced, and his gaze sad. "I would like to talk again."_

 _I could only nod and follow Garrett, loath to leave Edward._

 _Inside, I shivered, realizing Edward had been right. I was cold. I excused myself to the rest room, and sat on the closed toilet seat, trying to find a way to calm my racing heart, unable to stop the shivers. Finally, I stood, washed my shaking hands, and went to find Garrett. He was in a group of people, laughing and talking. When he saw me, he lifted a brow in silent query, and I pointed to the door, mouthing "sorry." He lifted a shoulder in understanding and returned to his group. I collected my coat, shrugging it on, and left the party._

 _I went outside, intent on asking the doorman to hail me a cab. As I approached to make my inquiry, Edward stepped forward._

 _"I'll drive you."_

 _I stared at him. "How…?"_

 _"I know you, Bella. I knew you would leave. You need to be alone and process. That's how you work." He held out his hand. "My car is across the street. Let me take you."_

 _I was hesitant, but I allowed him to wrap his hand around mine. He opened my door, waited until I slid inside, then handed me the seat belt before making sure the door was shut tight. There was something so comforting, and familiar with his gestures. He turned up the heat, aiming the vents toward me, and flicking on the seat warmer._

 _The car was silent on the drive to the house. I huddled in my seat, unable to find the words to begin a dialogue. Edward and I had never had a problem communicating. We could talk for hours over everything and nothing. But now, words stuck in my throat, frozen cold like the snow that was beginning to fall._

 _When he pulled into the driveway, putting the car into park, I turned to him._

 _"How did you know where I lived?"_

 _He glanced down, then over to me. "I've known where you were every moment we've been apart, Bella."_

 _He unclipped his seatbelt. "Just because we live in separate houses, doesn't mean I stopped caring."_

 _"You left me."_

 _He stared straight ahead. "I made a mistake. The second biggest one of my life. One I regret more than words can ever express."_

 _"I don't understand, Edward."_

 _"I know. But sitting in a cold car while you're upset and anxious isn't the right place to discuss it."_

 _I passed a weary hand over my head. He was right, but I was still reluctant to get out of the car. The decision was made for me when Edward stepped out, came around to my side, and opened the door for me._

 _"Is your head hurting?" he asked quietly._

 _"A little."_

 _"Go inside and take some pills. Get some rest."_

 _I felt as if I was being dismissed. "Thank you for driving me home."_

 _He didn't walk me to my door, but stood by the car, watching._

 _I stuck my key in the lock, feeling exhausted._

 _"Bella," he called out._

 _I turned, my breath faltering as I looked at him. Snow dusted his shoulders, and his hair gleamed under the streetlights—white flakes scattered over the bright color of his head. He was tall, and stern-looking as he met my gaze._

 _"That isn't your home."_

 _"Wh–what?"_

 _"That's a house. Your home is with me. I only hope you can forgive me and let me prove that to you one day."_

 _Then he climbed in his car and drove away._

More tears fell as I relived last night, and I wiped them away.

My head was spinning. I didn't understand. Edward's confession. His guilt. What I had said to him in the hospital.

Why he had suddenly turned up last evening. The words he had said to me.

 _"Your home is with me."_

I sighed, lying back down, trying to get comfortable. I wasn't used to sleeping alone. Edward was a cuddler at night, and I missed his warmth, and the familiarity of our bed. We had been apart for over two months, and I still longed for his presence. The accident happened when I was close to seven months pregnant, in the heat of the summer, and I was always restless. Edward would curl behind me, rubbing my stomach and talking to both of us at night. His touch soothed the ache of stretched skin, and his voice seemed to calm Jordan, who would stop kicking long enough to let me rest.

I still missed feeling him growing and moving inside me.

Light was beginning to break. I could see snow still falling, the flakes caught in the clearing of the dark outside my window. I became aware of a rhythmic noise, and I sat up, listening. It took me a minute to realize it was the sound of a shovel dragging across pavement. My neighbor was out shoveling snow already. I slipped out of bed, hurrying to the living room. It was a good time to see which one of them was being so kind. I would be able to drop off a gift later to say thank you.

I peeked out the window at the figure bundled up against the cold, bent over the shovel. His hood from his heavy parka was over his head, his breath clouds of white evaporating in the air.

I couldn't see the person, since his back was to me. I grabbed a blanket off the sofa, wrapping it around my shoulders, shoved my feet into sneakers and slipped out the door. I observed the stranger for a moment, then cleared my throat.

"Hello," I called. "I wanted to thank you for shoveling for me. It is very kind."

The man straightened to his full height, and turned around to face me. I gasped as he did; already knowing who it was before he pushed back his hood. I knew that set of shoulders and imposing height.

 _Edward._

* * *

 **Thank you for reading.**


	7. Chapter 7

We stared at each other, the cold air and snowflakes swirling around us. The neighborhood was silent, most people still asleep in their beds. I moved off the step, shaking my head.

"What are you doing?"

"Shoveling your snow."

"I don't understand, Edward. Why would you do that?"

He stepped closer, pointing toward the house. "Go inside, Bella. It's cold and you don't have a coat on." He smirked as he shook his head. "Again."

"Have you been doing this the entire time?"

"Yes."

"I–I don't…"

"It was one of the few ways I could still look after you."

I thought of all the mornings the snow had been brushed off my car. The driveway and walkway shoveled. The burned-out lightbulb I thought had suddenly begun working again over the front door.

It had been Edward all along.

"Go inside, please."

"I want you to come in."

He swallowed, looking nervous. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Let me finish."

"I'll make coffee."

"Okay."

 **~o0o~**

Edward wrapped his long fingers around the mug, lifting the steaming coffee to his lips.

"Good." He sighed. "You always made the best coffee."

"Thank you."

He glanced around the room, and I followed his gaze, wondering what he saw. The house came furnished which was one of the reasons I rented it. The pieces were nondescript and plain. A couple cheap prints hung on the walls, otherwise the room was void of any other touches. Most of the boxes I brought with me were still packed and sitting on the floor of the guest room I never used. My clothes hung in the closet, my shoes were by the door, but apart from that, it was as if I lived in a stranger's house.

I met Edward's eyes. The green was bright in the dull light, and the expression on his face baffled me. It was tender and compassionate.

"I'm confused, Edward."

"I know."

"I don't understand what is happening, but I need you to know something."

"I'm listening."

"When I woke up . . . when you told me about Jordan . . ." My voice trailed off, and I had to swallow the emotion. "I don't remember a lot."

"That's understandable. You were in shock." He cleared his throat. "Neither of us were ourselves, Bella. I had lost my child, and I didn't know if my wife was going to survive. I was going out of my mind."

I hated hearing his pain. I knew he had lived through hell. I leaned forward, gently touching his hand. "I do know this, Edward. I remember your words echoing in my head. I remember the pain hitting me. And I remember thinking to myself it was all my fault. Because of my decision to drive, we had lost our child."

"You—"

I shook my head. "I was up all night thinking, trying to piece it together. I don't recall not talking. I thought I _was_ talking. I think . . . I think I was screaming in my head. I kept begging you for answers. I couldn't figure out why you weren't responding."

"You didn't say anything, except once. You cried out and said 'it's all your fault!' Then you were silent."

"I wasn't talking to you, Edward. I was talking to myself. Blaming myself."

His brow furrowed.

"I kept telling myself I was responsible. I kept thinking 'this is all your fault.'" I wiped away a tear. "I must have said it out loud, but I didn't mean you."

Tears glistened in his eyes. "I thought you blamed me. I knew you didn't want to come to the party, but I wanted you there. If I had just let you stay home, you wouldn't have been on the road that night." His voice shook. "I blamed myself, so it seemed natural for you to blame me, too."

"What changed?" I whispered.

He bent forward, resting his arms on his thighs. "I've been going to therapy. Jane has helped me to see there is no blame on either of us for losing our child. We're only human, Bella. I asked you to come to a party, and you chose to drive there. Simple decisions. Two minutes—either way—and our lives would be very different right now. The blame rests on the person who struck your car. They caused the accident. Not you. Not me."

He sucked in a deep breath. "I've learned I have to come to terms with my grief. I have to move forward. I can't bring him back. I will mourn our loss the rest of my life." He met my gaze. "But I also can choose to fight for the one thing I _can_ get back. You."

"Me?"

"I love you, Bella. I have always loved you. Even when I couldn't say it or show you. I thought you hated me. I thought I had to give you up. That, by doing so, somehow we would heal and move forward. But I was wrong. I can't heal from that loss without you. I can't move forward without you. I can't be happy without you."

I stared at him, dumbfounded.

"I wanted to ask for your forgiveness, Bella. I showed up last night, hoping to open a dialogue with you. To find out if there was any chance of rebuilding what we lost. What I so stupidly walked away from."

"I don't blame you."

"Don't blame yourself, either." He reached out, his palms extended. "Come with me to see Jane, and let her help you the way she has helped me. Let her help us together."

I hesitated, then slipped my hands into his. He wrapped his fingers around my hands, holding them securely.

"We didn't cause the death of our son, but we didn't fight for us, Bella."

"I didn't know how to."

"Neither did I. But I do now. I am asking for your forgiveness for walking away."

"I-I need time, Edward."

"And you can have it. But I need to know you want to try." His voice shook. "I need to know there is a chance."

I looked down at our joined hands. Edward's wedding ring glinted in the light. He never removed it. Mine was on a chain around my neck. I didn't feel as if I deserved to wear it, yet I couldn't bear the thought of not having it close.

I thought of the past few months. The emptiness I felt being apart from Edward. Losing Jordan had devastated me. Losing Edward had ended me.

I lifted my eyes to his, searching for his inner most emotions. The ones I always could read in his gaze.

Warmth, need, and gentleness met my searching gaze. There was no blame or anger. Only pleading. I squeezed his hand.

"I want to try."

* * *

 **Tomorrow. Back to one per day until Wednesday.**


	8. Chapter 8

Jane nodded encouragingly at me. "You're doing well, Bella."

I inhaled deeply, and blew it out, allowing myself to relax. I had seen Jane daily for the past two weeks. Edward and I also saw her at the same time on a few occasions. It was the first time we openly grieved for our child together. Out loud. Listening to his pain as he talked about the way I had pushed him away when I first woke up, almost broke my heart. He thought I was rejecting him, blaming him. He already blamed himself, so the conclusion I did, as well, came easily. He distanced himself, terrified of trying to touch or hold me again, assuming I would refuse him. He was horrified to know I thought he was ignoring me and that I longed for the comfort of his touch. We both learned a lot that day.

And as painful as the experience had been, it also had been cathartic.

Today, we went through the day I woke up. How confused I had been. She helped me understand how lost I had been in my head, and why I thought I was speaking when the screaming had only been inside.

As always, when I finished a session, I was exhausted; although, I was somewhat lighter.

"What are your plans for over the holidays?"

"I am going to help out at a local shelter."

"Good. It's good to have a focus stay busy." She looked at me over the rim of her glasses. "And Edward?"

I sighed.

 _Edward_.

We were still finding our way back to each other. We'd had coffee. Talked. Spoke on the phone, and sent texts. Attended the sessions with Jane. We'd even had a dinner date. He would often drop by the house, making sure the snow was cleared, and he would come inside for coffee. Some evenings, he would show up unannounced, and sit on the sofa, seemingly content to be in the same place where I was. He would often slip his hand over mine, stroking the skin of my wrist. On occasion, he would press a kiss to my forehead. We spoke of forgiveness and the future. But nothing else had changed.

There was something holding us back.

Jane advised us to take it slow. She explained how she felt one of our problems was the headlong way we had of rushing into things, right from the beginning of our relationship. I had never seen it as a problem. I didn't think Edward had either, but he seemed to agree on that point, so I remained silent.

When we sat side-by-side on the couch, talking to Jane, I felt better. When I heard his voice, I felt warmer. When he would smile at me across the table, sharing moments of his day the way he used to, I felt complete. I wondered how he felt; yet once again, I found myself unable to ask, for fear he didn't share my feelings.

"I haven't asked him his plans. I assume he will be spending them with his family."

"You know how I feel about assumptions, Bella."

"You think I should ask my questions out loud."

"If you want an answer, then yes. Would it bother you to know he was with his family?"

"No. I don't want him to be alone."

"Maybe he is thinking he won't tell you his plans so it doesn't upset you."

"But I wouldn't be."

She arched an eyebrow at me. "Maybe he assumes otherwise."

"Point taken."

"Stop thinking so much when it comes to Edward. Feel. Act. Talk. I've advised him the same. You are both so worried about how the other person might react, you fail to realize your actions might help and not hurt. Not talking, not acting, those are what started the breakdown in this situation."

I let her words soak in.

She shut her notebook, signaling our time was up. "I know the office is closed for the holidays, but you have my number in case of an emergency."

I thanked her, accepting the hug she offered to me.

"I'll see you in the new year."

I hugged her back. "Merry Christmas, Jane," I whispered. "Thank you for everything."

 **~o0o~**

I spent the afternoon clearing off tasks on my desk. The office would close early today and not reopen until the New Year. The office was mostly deserted when I left. I slipped out the back and headed to my car, driving home carefully in the early darkness. I knew I should stop at a grocery store, but I didn't have the energy to face the crowds. I would pick up Chinese tomorrow after serving Christmas lunch at the shelter. I'd grocery shop in a couple days.

I wandered around the house, restless and anxious. The only light was the glow of the small tree. Edward had texted me earlier to wish me Merry Christmas, but he hadn't called, or returned my text. I had asked him about his plans, but he never responded, and I wondered if Jane was correct.

I looked around the barren space where I was living—or not living, as Jane pointed out. Existing.

I had been surprised to learn Edward was still in the house we shared; although, in retrospect, I shouldn't have been. He had bought it before he met me, and he'd had it renovated to his liking. When he told me I could have it, I had refused. I hadn't even planned to ask for half of it when he divorced me. It didn't seem right. I did wonder if he had changed anything. If he had repainted or thrown out the pieces of me that resided there.

What he had done with the nursery.

I felt the pain in my chest threaten to overwhelm me, and I concentrated on my breathing. When I opened my eyes, I saw the gift sitting under the tree. Edward hadn't commented on it the day he was here, and I hadn't touched it. It sat, unopened and alone. I stood, picked up the small box, and stared at it.

I bought it for Edward. To make him smile. Surely with everything that had happened, and how hard we had been struggling to move forward, he deserved to smile tomorrow. He would love the baseball. I imagined the look of delight on his face when he opened the box. It made me smile thinking I could make him happy, even if it was only for a few moments.

Jane told me to stop overthinking. To feel. To act.

I grabbed my coat. I was going to do exactly that.

* * *

 **Tomorrow.**


	9. Chapter 9

The house was dark when I pulled up, but the front porch light burned bright in the cold darkness. The only sign of Christmas was the bright wreath on the front door. We had made it together one year, laughing and arguing over it, both of us covered in glue and glitter when it was finally complete. Then, Edward had tackled me on the sofa and we made love. I had to steam clean the cushions the next day to get the glitter and smudges of glue off the fabric, but it had been worth it.

I hesitated, then picked up the gift and walked up to the front door, memories flooding my head. All the love, laughter, and happiness we had experienced and shared in this house. The heartbreak that tore us apart.

I wasn't sure what to do with the box. Leave it on the step? Ring the bell and walk away? I chewed on my lip, then for some reason, I pushed on the door handle, shocked when the door opened. Edward _always_ locked the door. I waited with bated breath for the security alarm to sound out, surprised when I was met with silence.

Worried, I stepped in, listening. The house was quiet. Was Edward out? Had he gone to his parents? Had he simply forgotten to lock the door and turn on the security system?

I slipped off my shoes, knowing I had to check on him. If he wasn't home, I would text him to tell him I had been there and the door was open. If he were here, I would explain how I got in, and leave him his gift.

The faint sound of music stopped me before I could move forward. The strains of a quiet melody filled the air. The sounds were coming from the back of the house.

Edward was playing his piano. I had always loved hearing him play. I could sit for hours listening to him. He often indulged me, especially if I sat beside him on the bench. He would play and sing softly, his voice wrapping around the chords as beautifully as the piano did.

Mesmerized, I went down the familiar hall, my footsteps silent as I followed the notes. It was a classical piece, sad and melancholy, the pain filling the stillness of the house. I stopped at the steps leading down to the sunken family room Edward had added on after he purchased the house. He was at the piano, his eyes shut as his hands drifted across the keys. I sat down on the top step, drew my knees up to my chest, and shut my eyes. For long minutes he played, the music causing my tears to well and drip down my cheeks. When the song ceased, I opened my eyes to find him gazing at me.

"Are you real?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"Do you know how often I dreamed this would happen? I would play, praying you would be here when I opened my eyes?"

"No."

"Every single day."

"I'm sorry."

"You're here now."

"The door was unlocked."

He nodded. "You left your keys. I leave it open all the time when I'm here. I had to make sure if you came back, you could come in."

My heart began to beat faster.

"Until recently, I wasn't even sure you were still living here."

He stood, approaching me cautiously. Stopping in front of me, he kneeled, reached out, his hand visibly shaking, and pushed a tendril of hair behind my ear.

"I couldn't leave our home, love. This place is full of so many good memories. They're all I had these past months."

"What about the bad ones?"

"They're still part of us, Bella."

His words hit me. _Us._ I still wanted there to be an us. Was it possible?

"Edward, I have something to tell you."

He wrapped his hands around mine with a frown. "You're cold."

"I forgot my gloves."

He lifted my hands, ran his lips over the skin, and pressed them to his warm cheek.

"Tell me, Bella. I'm listening."

I drew in a long breath. "I'm sorry I stopped talking. I'm sorry I forgot to fight. I'm _so_ sorry for what we lost."

"Do you forgive me?"

"There was nothing to forgive, Edward. It wasn't your fault."

"I need your forgiveness, regardless."

"You have it."

"Do you forgive yourself?" he murmured.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry I didn't fight, either. But, most of all, I'm sorry I walked away from us. I should have never left you."

My throat was so constricted I could barely get the words out. "I think I left you first."

"Have you come back?"

"I want to."

He pressed my hand closer. "I've been waiting for you for so long, love."

"I've missed you so much. Everything about you. Your voice, your presence, your touch."

"You never have to miss me again. You _never_ have to miss my touch again." His eyes blazed in the dim light. "I will never leave you again."

The dam broke for us both. In seconds, I was gathered in his arms, crushed to his chest. We both wept for our loss, our time apart, and this unexpected reconciliation. He held me for a long time, as we both calmed.

I lifted my head, meeting his gaze.

"I wished for this, every day since you moved out," he murmured. "I wished for a Christmas miracle. That you'd come back to me."

"I came to bring you something," I admitted. "I had a present for you. I was just going to leave it, then I heard you playing, and being here…" I sighed. "So many memories. So many emotions came over me."

"Whatever brought you here, I'm glad you came in."

Reaching over, I picked up the small box, handing it to him. "I got you this for Christmas a while ago, and well, I would still like you to have it."

With a smile, he took the package, turning it over in his hands, stroking along the edges of the paper.

"You can open it."

He shook his head, helped me off his lap, then stood. He tugged on my hand and I followed him across the room to his piano. He released my hand and flicked on the light switch.

"I got _you_ this."

I gasped in delight as light flooded the corner. A tree glowed, lights shimmering, decorations, _our decorations_ , dotting the green in clusters of red, silver, and gold. Under the tree were packages, neatly wrapped, bows perfectly placed. Edward always excelled at wrapping gifts. Each one was a work of art.

He carefully placed his gift beside the small pile. "We can open our gifts together."

The tree wasn't big, the house wasn't decorated, but it was suddenly Christmas.

"You did all this yourself?"

He stood, holding out his hand. I slipped mine inside his large palm, the warmth of his skin welcome. "I was hoping you'd find your way back here. If not, I was going to come to you. I was going to bring you home."

A tear slid down my cheek, and he reached over to wipe it away with his thumb.

"I love you."

I flung myself into his arms. His words, those three little words, tore the last of the pain away. His secure embrace mended the pieces that had scattered, leaving me empty.

He carried me to the sofa, and we curled up together, not talking, only feeling.

His body was a blanket around mine. His warmth settled into my bones, making me realize how cold I had been without it. His familiar scent—citrusy and fresh— surrounded me, bringing with it memories of our life together. The soft endearments he murmured rekindled the love he always brought forth in me.

"Warmer?" he whispered.

"Yes."

"Will you stay?"

"Jane said we shouldn't rush into things."

"She also said we had to act and feel." He huffed a heavy sigh. "And frankly, I don't care. That's us, Bella. We love too hard, we feel too much, and we act too fast. It's how we work. It's how we've always worked."

He slipped his fingers under my chin, meeting my gaze. "I don't want to wait another month, another week, or even another day without having you with me. I don't want to wake up longing for you, or walk in this house knowing you aren't here, and you won't be coming home at the end of the day. I can't take it anymore." He continued in a raspy voice. "I need you here, Bella. I need you here to help me heal. I need to help you. Together we can, but I know if we're apart, we will fail.

"Stay with me. Fight with me. Fight for us."

"Yes."

He kissed me tenderly, his arms holding me tight.

It was Christmas Eve, and finally, I was home.

* * *

 **One more chapter - tomorrow.**


	10. Chapter 10

**~Christmas, one year later~**

I hummed as I lifted a tray of cookies from the oven, the aroma of sugar and cinnamon filling the air. Edward loved Snickerdoodles. I chuckled softly. There wasn't a cookie I made Edward didn't love. Sweets were his downfall. I didn't dare make pies for dessert until the day before Christmas or he would eat them all, no matter where I hid them. They were still his favorite, and like unwrapped gifts, he always found them.

A year had passed since I walked through the front door to bring him his Christmas gift and stayed. We had spent the day alone, needing the time to be together. Dinner had been Chinese take-out, but I had found the ingredients in the kitchen and made Edward's favourite pie. He devoured it with gusto.

The next day, we went back to the little house where I had been staying, and brought my things home. Edward didn't relax until the boxes had been carried in, and my coat hung beside his in the front hall closet. He personally took the keys back to the owner with a final payment, refusing to let me leave the house. He told me he needed to walk in the house and find me there, waiting for him. I baked him another pie while he was gone.

Then we began the job of repairing our marriage.

The past year had been one of ups and downs, crying and tears, and laughter.

So much laughter and love.

Together, we learned new steps. How always to communicate. To speak what was on our mind instead of assuming. Jane had taught us that well.

 _When we first saw Jane in the New Year and told her we were back living together, she greeted the news with calmness._

 _"Somehow I'm not surprised," she admitted. "I had a feeling you would, no matter what I said."_

 _"It works for us," Edward insisted, holding my hand tight, as if he were afraid I would get up and leave._

 _"We're still taking it slow, Jane. I'm in the guest room," I offered as a compromise. "But we do better when we're in close proximity to each other."_

 _We had agreed to that, thinking it was the best of both worlds._

 _She pursed her lips, tapping her pen against the bottom one as she studied us. "Don't wait too long," she advised. "Feel. Act. Love."_

And we did.

It happened unexpectedly near the end of January. We were in the kitchen, making dinner on a Saturday. Music was playing, and one of my favorite songs came on. Before I knew it, Edward had me in his arms, sweeping me across the floor, humming the words in my ear.

 _All of me loves all of you_

 _Love your curve and all your edges_

 _All your perfect imperfections_

When the song ended, I lifted my head and met Edward's gaze. His eyes were dark and warm. His arms tightened, drawing me flush to him.

 _"I love you, my Bella."_

 _The air around us bubbled with heat. Edward dropped his face to my neck, his lips gliding over my skin. "I need you."_

 _I pulled him to my mouth. "I need you."_

 _He carried me to the master bedroom, and lay me on our bed, hovering over me. "This is where you belong. Here with me. Always."_

 _I caressed his face, running my fingers over his cheeks and dragging them through his hair. "Yes."_

 _It started soft and sensual. Sweet. His touches were reverent. His kisses long, deep, and slow. As we discarded our clothes, my body melded to his in relief of being close to him again. Our passion built. Our touches became more frantic, our hands unable to stop or slow down, needing to feel more, hold more, touch more. Whispered words of love, promises of forever, and vows of a lifetime of us escaped our lips. Edward's low moans of pleasure mixed with my pleas for him, and I cried out his name as we came together. In the quiet glow of satisfaction, he tugged me close._

 _"No more guest room."_

 _"No."_

 _"We start again—in every way. Now."_

 _I sighed in peace. "Yes."_

 **~o0o~**

I heard Edward's voice crooning from the family room. With a smile, I slid the first of the pies into the oven, then filled a plate with cookies and walked down the hall.

Everywhere you looked was Christmas. Decorations, lights, sounds. Glittering in the corner was a massive tree, shimmering under the weight of the two thousand twinkling bulbs Edward insisted it needed. The branches fairly groaned with the weight of the ornaments we had put on, but he was right.

It was a glorious sight.

But even more glorious, was the image in front of the tree.

Edward.

He was sitting on the floor with his legs crossed holding our daughter, showing her things on the tree, and crooning to her in his best daddy voice. Her eyes never left his face, entranced by the deep tenor of his speech.

"Mommy and I got this one a few weeks ago. We had your name put on it. See?" He dangled a crystal heart in front of her. "It says 'Baby's First Christmas, 2016'. We'll buy you a new one every year." He lifted another one down, the wings of the angel spread wide against his palm. "And this one is for your brother, Jordan." His voice wavered. "He's watching over us in Heaven."

He lifted her close, nuzzling her cheek. "We'll have a whole lifetime of memories to share with you, Faith."

Faith Esme had been a shock. Only weeks after our passionate lovemaking reunion, I had discovered I was pregnant. With the joy, came sorrow, and worry. Edward fussed the entire pregnancy, barely letting me out of his sight. I became fearful of getting in a car. We both struggled with the happiness we felt.

Jane helped us through many rough times, and the day our daughter was born, was one of the greatest moments in my life. She arrived early, and Edward had panicked, but our doctor's calm presence eased us through the scary moments. Seeing Edward hold her so reverently, the love he had for our tiny angel, brought me intense joy and comfort.

Now, watching him with Faith, I felt the stirrings of nerves. I bit my lip, thinking of how our lives were about to change again.

Edward looked up, a wide smile on his face. "There's my other favorite girl." He held out his hand. "Come sit with us, Mommy. Faith and I are enjoying some tree time."

I sat beside him, setting down the tray.

He grinned. "Look Faith, cookies. We _love_ cookies."

He transferred her to one arm and reached for a cookie, chewing happily. "Hmm, so good," he hummed. "Do I smell pie?"

I laughed, taking Faith from Edward, cuddling her close. She blinked up at me, her green eyes so like Edward's in her chubby little face. Silky tufts of hair stuck up all over her head, the color beginning to change into the same bronzy hues as his. Her lips pursed and opened, as a long yawn escaped.

I heard the click of Edward's phone, and I glanced up as he took another picture. He looked at his screen with a pleased grin.

"That's a keeper."

He tapped away for a minute then showed me his new wallpaper.

"My girls. You fit perfectly there."

I ducked my head, fiddling with the edge of the blanket. I pulled Faith's bassinet close, and settled her in, making sure she was warm. Her eyes were already shut, her little fist around the blanket.

She was so perfect. I felt the tears begin to gather in my eyes.

"Bella?"

He slipped his fingers under my chin. "Love, is something wrong?"

"I–I…" My voice faltered.

"You can tell me anything. You know that."

I wasn't sure how to tell him this, since I could scarcely believe it myself.

"Just say it," he insisted. "Talk."

I blurted out the first words that came to mind.

"We need to remember to actually use the condoms when we buy them."

I hadn't gone back on birth control after Faith was born because of the side effects. Edward insisted we use condoms when I was ready to explore that side of our relationship again. It had only been a short time since we started being intimate, and we had forgotten more than once.

He chuckled as he reached for another cookie. "I'll do better. You're just so sexy, and we get carried away so fast."

"Too late," I squeaked.

His hand froze, and he met my gaze with a stunned look. His eyes dropped to my stomach then bounced back to my face. "Wh-what?"

"This time next year, there will be four of us celebrating Christmas together."

"You–you're pregnant?"

I nodded. "It's early, but the test came back positive."

He leaned forward, gripping the back of my neck, kissing me hard. His green eyes were ablaze in joy. He dragged me onto his lap, holding me tight.

 _"Holy shit, Bella."_

I laughed at his shock. It was much the same as how I felt when I saw the positive pregnancy test.

I looked up, meeting his gaze. "Good holy shit, right?"

He kissed me. "The best." His brow furrowed. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Still reeling a little, but fine."

"You've seen Doctor G?"

"Yesterday. He confirmed it, laughed, and called you an overachiever, then told me to come see him next month."

"Okay. Good." He laid his hand on my stomach. "This is my favorite gift this year."

We were quiet as we looked at the tree. Beside us, our beautiful daughter slumbered. Inside me, a new life grew. Wrapped around me was the love of my life. My Edward.

Once again, Christmas Eve came with a miracle.

I lifted my head.

"Merry Christmas, Edward."

His smiling lips were warm when they touched mine.

"Merry Christmas, love."

* * *

 **Thank you for reading this somewhat different pic. We all experience pain in life, and sometimes the end result makes us stronger. I wanted to show a love that could withstand such pain.**

 **I wish you the joy of the season. Peace in your life. A wonderful 2017. However you say it, however you celebrate, may it be joyous and warm.**

 **Thank you for being part of my world.**

 **See you in 2017. I have a little something for you.**

 **Hugs to all... and to all a good night.**


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